The home shopping experience!

We now live too far away for an out of town supermarket, the thought of leaving our rural idyll is just too much for us pensioners. Management takes care of such matters and it has worked smoothly thus far, magically, a man arrives with boxes and after speaking to the dog for several minutes proceeds to deliver groceries of a very high standard. I witness all of this from afar in my workshop knowing full well my interference would not be welcomed, where for instance do the toilet rolls live?
This week it was deemed I had passed the training and could be allowed to deal with it by myself, the Merc fired up and she was gone! Coffee with the girls whatever that means! I was instructed to sit at the kitchen table, not move and watch out for the delivery guy, rush out with reusable bags and to quote ‘ be nice’. We have a panoramic window in the kitchen looking out onto fields and orchards, a donkey and a ‘small horse’ graze just the other side of the fence, this gives a bit of free time to watch the buzzards and the rabbits busying themselves within a few feet of the road.
I had never noticed how much traffic we had on the road during the day, yes at school time the usual whacky races happen, our drive is used as a pull in as they are unable to pass due to the narrow road, so I waited at the appointed time slot with eagerness and a great deal of trepidation, maybe this time I would leave the shopping in the bags and request a revision exercise when management returned?
Within a few minutes a Sainsburys van slowed and pulled into the drive, I waved and grabbed the bags, put on my coat and woolly hat and dived out the door. As I got to the gate he drove off leaving me standing there, most strange? I went back indoors removed the outer clothing and returned to my coffee which by now was getting a little cold. A few minutes went by and a Tescos van pulled in, I repeated the process and again it was gone by the time I managed to get outside, I thought this is getting tiresome now, I should sit with my hat on and be prepared to run at a moment’s notice.
I had barely sat down and the Tescos van came slowly back the other way and stopped level with the drive, back out again I went to see him reversing up next doors drive. A cheery wave and I asked if we were next? He explained that we were not on the list in his best Polish and I retreated back indoors.
I am not sure about this home delivery lark, my step counter has noted 4000 steps and I haven’t been further than the bathroom today, another 1000 and it will be time for my afternoon nap!
A few minutes went by and a Waitrose van crept slowly by with the driver looking at the house names, I rushed out again to be told he was looking for someone else and he had forgotten his glasses so was struggling with house names, should he be driving at all I wondered. As I went indoors again and by now the labrador is getting fed up with all the comings and goings and has settled into the sofa for in his view, a well earned rest.
There was a lull and remembering the old adage about buses, 3 delivery vans became all tangled up in the road, the Ocado guy pulled into my drive to let the other 2 go by but as before, but by the time I arrived at the gate he had gone. The Bookers wholesale vehicle wasn’t mine either, we don’t have a wholesale ticket so with bated breath I stood, bags in hand waiting for the other vehicle to move. This time I was in luck, it was Morrisons who drove straight in pulling up right by the gate, the cheery chap then proceeded to speak to the dog over the gate whilst pointing out the substitutions, I am not always certain what logic they apply to this process in the shop, perhaps its random and quota filling but I was perturbed to see that the block of cheddar had morphed into dairylea slices and the roast chicken had changed into a pack of chicken slices from the deli counter, they were rejected instantly.
As I packed I noticed a large leg of lamb, we certainly didn’t order that as we get our recently fluffy and cute lamb from the local farm shop. I gave it back to the driver who returned it saying it must have been from someone else’s order, just throw it away as I can’t take it back! What a weird system?
On completion of the transaction the driver petted the dog some more whilst I headed to the workshop, fitted a new hacksaw blade and cut the leg in half ready to freeze, management will be pleased! I am not going to do this again, far too stressful and I am sure it would be easier to go to the shop…
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Memories-Kentish-village-childhood-innocent/dp/B096TL7K83